The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道.
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病.”
他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说：“太太,我有三件事要对你说.第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变.第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下.”
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了.但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的.只是我们要因此晚到一小时 .” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位,你们猜怎么啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎.但请你们相信好了.只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了.” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”
Logic Reasoning
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课.她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里.于是他开始挣扎并喊救命.他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸.谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的`存款?”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思.
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife?”
你停止打你老婆了吗?
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人.
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释.
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论.”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答.”这位证人温和地回敬他.
“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他.
“噢,”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗?”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
老师：请说说看.
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.
Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys?
体育老师：孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗?
Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：见过,老师,经常见.就在昨天夜里我还见过呢!
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧.
Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
尼克：啊,对不起,老师.我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬.”
